The Oldest Daughter

Pretty in Plum

The story behind the artwork

The oldest daughter spends years becoming what other people need you to be. She moulds herself into someone who feels easier to love. You learn to adapt to avoid rejection, mirror the pope around you in the hope of belonging, and become emotionally fluent in everyone else’s needs while loosing touch with your own. She learns to be responsible, capable and aware of what is happening around her. Being the strong one becomes instinctive. Asking for help feels uncomfortable. Rest can feel undeserved. As we get older we begin to unpack those patterns and question which parts of ourselves are really ours and which were created in the hope of being accepted.

Visual elements

The figure exists loudly and unapologetically against a deep plum and burgundy background. Heavy black lines hold the figure together, creating a contrast between control and chaos. Purple, pink and blue move freely across the body, interrupted by splatters and drips. There is tension within the piece: she has spent so long holding everything together yet here she is allowed to be messy. In a painting about someone who has spent so much of her life adjusting herself for others, there is something radical about allowing her to take up space without asking anything of her.

Meaning and intent

At the heart of this piece, is a desire to be loved. It explores what happens when, from a young age, love and acceptance become connected to being good, helpful and responsible. She becomes the person who can handle it. Independence becomes instinctive and perfectionism can be mistaken for just being good with people.

Overtime, being needed can begin to feel similar to being loved. We mistake being accepted for being seen. The resentment is not necessarily directed at anyone, sometimes it is the grief of losing yourself in exchange for acceptance. The painting asks 'if nobody needs anything from me, am I still worthy of being loved?'

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